(Theodore) Bernstein’s First Law
Theodore Bernstein
A falling body always rolls to the most inaccessible spot.
Burns’s Law
Robert Burns
The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men gang aft agley.
Cannon’s Law
Anon
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.
Cayo’s Law
Anon
The only things that start on time are those that you’re late for.
Chisholm’s Laws of Human Interaction
1. If anything can go wrong, it will.
2. When things are going well, something will go wrong.
3. Purposes as understood by the purposer will be judged otherwise by others.
2. When things are going well, something will go wrong.
3. Purposes as understood by the purposer will be judged otherwise by others.
DeCaprio’s Law
Annie DeCaprio
Everything takes more time and money.
Drazen’s Law of Restitution
Louis D. Rubin
The time it takes to rectify a situation is inversely proportional to the time it took to do the damage.
Ettore’s Law of Lines [Queues]
Barbara Ettore
The other line moves faster.
Fetridge’s Law
Claude Fetridge
Important things that are supposed to happen do not happen especially when people are looking or conversely things that are supposed to not happen do happen especially when people are looking.
Finagle’s Law
Anon
Gerrold’s Laws of Infernal Dynamics
David Gerrold
1. An object in motion will always be heading in the wrong direction.
2. An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
3. The energy required to change either one of these states will always be more than you wish to expend but never so much as to make the task totally impossible.
Gumperson’s Law
R. F. Gumperson
The contradictory of a welcome probability will assert itself whenever such an eventuality is likely to be most frustrating, or, in other words, the outcome of a given desired probability will be inverse to the degree of desirability.
Keppner’s Law
Otto Keppner
You never find an article you have lost until you replace it.
Koppett’s Law
Leonard Koppett
Whatever creates the greatest inconvenience for the largest number of people must happen.
Mrs. Murphy’s First Law (a.k.a. The Law of Perversity)
Anon
You cannot tell for certain, ahead of time, which side of the bread to put the butter on.
Mrs. Murphy’s Second Law
Anon
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong while Mr. Murphy or the man of the house, whomever he may be, is out of town.
Murphy’s Fifth Law
Edward A. Murphy
Left to themselves things, tend to go from bad to worse.
Murphy’s Fourth Law
Edward A. Murphy
If you play with anything long enough, it will break.
Murphy’s Fourth Military Law
Edward A. Murphy
If you really need an officer in a hurry take a nap.
Murphy’s Law
Edward A. Murphy
Murphy’s Law of Auto Repair
Edward A. Murphy
Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll beneath the vehicle to its exact centre.
Murphy’s Second Law
Edward A. Murphy
Everything takes longer than you expect.
Murphy’s Second Military Law
Edward A. Murphy
Friendly fire isn’t.
Murphy’s Third Law
Edward A. Murphy
Nothing is as simple as it looks.
Murphy’s Third Military Law
Edward A. Murphy
The most dangerous thing in a combat zone is an officer with a map.
Payn’s Law
James Payn
If a piece of buttered toast falls, it will land face down.
Rawson’s Third Law
Hugh Rawson
A malfunctioning car will stop displaying symptoms of imminent breakdown when driven to within one-quarter mile of a garage.
Sattler’s Law
H. Allen Smith
The grapefruit juice will always hit you in the eye.
Andrews’s Canoeing Postulate
Alfred Andrews
No matter in which direction you start, it’s always against the wind coming back.
Archimedes’s Third Principle
Hugh Rawson
When a body is immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
Davis’s Basic Law of Medicine
Robert David
Pills to be taken in twos always come out of the bottle in threes.
Forrester’s Laws
Jay W. Forrester
1. In complicated situations, efforts to improve things often tend to make them worse, sometimes much worse, on occasions calamitous.
2. In a complex social system the obvious commonsense solution to a problem will turn out to be wrong most of the time.
Hofstadter’s Law
Douglas R. Hofstadter
It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s law.
Murphy’s First Law of Biology
Edward A. Murphy
Under any given set of environmental conditions, an experimental animal will behave as it damn well pleases.
Murphy’s First Military Law (a.k.a. the Army Law)
Edward A. Murphy
Any order that can be misunderstood will be misunderstood.
Murphy’s Law of Botany
Edward A. Murphy
When visiting a botanical garden, the one plant that you have never seen before and admire the most is the only one that lacks an identifying label.
Murphy’s Law of Research
Edward A. Murphy
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Murphy’s Law of Thermodynamics
Edward A. Murphy
Things get worse under pressure.
Pruett’s Law of Perversity
Jim Pruett
Things hate people.
Robinson’s Law
Cal Robinson
The guy you beat out of a prime parking space is the one you have to see for a job interview.
If anything can go wrong, it will.
If anything can go wrong with an experiment it will.
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