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The Approval Seeker’s Law
Rozanne Weissman
Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.
Vidal’s Law
Gore Vidal
It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
Wilde’s First Law
Oscar Wilde
In this world there are two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants and the other is getting it.
Woody Allen’s Observation
Woody Allen
Evans’s Law
James T. Evans
Nothing worth a damn is ever done as a matter of principle. If it is worth doing, it is done because it is worth doing. If it is not, it’s done as a matter of principle.
Forbes’s Law
Malcolm S. Forbes
Money isn’t everything as long as you have enough.
Franklin’s Law
Gene Franklin
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall not be disappointed.
Quelch’s Laws of Executive Hubris
John Quelch
When taxi drivers know the name of a FTSE boss it’s a bad sign.
Rickey’s Law
Branch Rickey
Luck is the residue of design.
Riggs’s Hypothesis
Arthur J. Riggs
Incompetence tends to increase with the level of work performed. And naturally the individual’s staff needs will increase as his level of incompetence increases.
Riley’s Law
James Whitcomb Riley
The ripest peach is highest on the tree.
Ringer’s Rule
Robert J. Ringer
The results a person obtains are inversely proportional to the degree to which the person is intimidated.
Shakespeare’s Second Law
William Shakespeare
Some men are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon ‘em.
Stuff his mouth with gold
Editor
Those clamouring for the government to stop paying Sir Fred Goodwin his £690,000 p.a. pension and, in the words of John Prescott (himself the beneficiary of a handsome taxpayer-funded pension), “let him sue”, shoud remember Louis Brandeis’s law. Goodwin’s greed may be sickening, his lack of shame unfathomable, his hubris inexplicable, but one thing’s for sure: the rule of law is worth a lot more than whatever he receives. Goodwin’s contract should be honoured. Stuff his mouth with gold.
Young’s Law
Edward Young
Procrastination is the thief of time.
Zeno’s Law
Zeno of Elea
The goal of life is living in agreement with nature.
Abrams’ Advice
Creighton W. Abrams
When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.
Addison’s Law
Joseph Addison
He who hesitates is lost.
Ade’s Law
George Ade
Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
Aesop’s Adages
Aesop
Be content with your lot; one cannot be first in everything (’Juno and the Peacock’). A half a millenium later, the Roman poet Virgil put it this way in his Eclogues: “We cannot all do all things.”
Don’t count your chickens before they are hatched (’The Milkmaid and Her Pail’).
Familiarity breeds contempt (’The Fox and the Lion’). Later authorities on human nature also have amended this one. Thus Mark Twain held that “Familiarity breeds contempt … and children” (Notebooks) while Goodman Ace noted that “Familiarity breeds attempt.”
The gods help them that help themselves (’Hercules and the Waggoner’). This has been repeated with slight variations by others including Aeschylus (”God loves to help him who strives to help himself”) and Ben Franklin (”God helps those who help themselves”).
It is thrifty to prepare today for the wants of tomorrow (’The Ant and the Grasshopper’). This message also appears in the Bible: “Go to the ant thou sluggard; consider her ways and be wise: Which having no guide overseer or ruler Provideth her meat in the summer and gathereth her food in the harvest” (Proverbs 6:6-8).
Slow and steady wins the race (’The Hare and the Tortoise’). Or, as Samuel Johnson phrased it in Rasselas: “Great works are performed not by strength but by endurance.”
The smaller the mind, the greater the conceit (’The Gnat and the Bull’).
United we stand divided we fall (’The Four Oxen and the Lion’). Benjamin Franklin embellished this thought when he warned his colleagues at the signing of the Declaration of Independence: “We must indeed all hang together or most assuredly we shall all hang separately.” (This was in reply to John Hancock’s comment that “It is too late to pull different ways; the members of the Continental Congress must hang together.”) Abraham Lincoln came closer to Aesop’s original formulation with “A house divided against itself cannot stand” (speech, June 16th 1858).
We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified (’The Old Man and Death’). Oscar Wilde expressed the same thought in An Ideal Husband: “When the gods wish to punish us they answer our prayers.”
Beauregard’s Law
Anon
When you’re up to your nose, keep your mouth shut.
Bill Gates’ Rules for Spoiled Teenagers
Editor
Rule 1
Life is not fair — get used to it!
Life is not fair — get used to it!
Rule 2
The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3
You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4
If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping — they called it opportunity.
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping — they called it opportunity.
Rule 6
If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7
Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8
Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9
Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10
Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.
Broder’s Law of Political Ambition
David Broder
Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he’ll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.
Donohue’s Law
Joseph Donohue
The Peter Principle
Laurence J. Peter
In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.
Thoreau’s Second Law
Henry David Thoreau
In the long run, men only hit what they aim at.
Thoreau’s Third Law
Henry David Thoreau
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready and it may be a long time before they get off.
Truman’s Second Law
Harry S. Truman
If you can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen.
Ustinov’s Ukase
Peter Ustinov
Those who rise to executive positions lack the qualifications for anything lower.
Vanbrugh’s Second Law
John Vanbrugh
He laughs best who laughs last.
Walton’s Second Law
Izaak Walton
No man can lose what he never had.
Watson’s Law
James E. Watson
If you can’t lick ‘em, jine ‘em.
Weiler’s Law
A. H. Weiler
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.
Whitton’s Law
Charlotte Whitton
Runyon’s Second Law
Damon Runyon
The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong - but that’s the way to bet.
Shadwell’s Law
Thomas Shadwell
Every man loves what he is good at.
Shakespeare’s Fifth Law
William Shakespeare
Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.
Shakespeare’s Fourth Law
William Shakespeare
All’s well that ends well.
Shaw’s Quandary
George Bernard Shaw
There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart’s desire. The other is to get it.
Socrates’s Law
Socrates
The life which is unexamined is not worth living.
Sophocles’s First Law
Sophocles
The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.
Sophocles’s Third Law
Sophocles
Nobody likes the man who brings bad news.
Swanson’s Law
Claude Swanson
When the water reaches the upper deck, follow the rats.
The Paul Principle
Paul Armer
People become progressively less competent for jobs they once were well equipped to handle.
Liebling’s Law
A. J. Liebling
If you try hard enough you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.
Longworth’s Law
Alice Longworth
You can’t make a soufflé rise twice.
Maugham’s Law
W. Somerset Maugham
You can’t learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency.
Micawber’s First Law
Charles Dickens
Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.
Midas’s Law
John Updike
Possession diminishes perception of value immediately.
Mitchell’s Law
John N. Mitchell
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
Ohm’s Law
Georg Simon Ohm
The electric current in any circuit is directly proportional to the voltage and inversely proportional to the resistance.
Powell’s Rules
Colin L. Powell
- It ain’t as bad as you think. It will look better in the morning.
- Get mad then get over it.
- Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls your ego goes with it.
- It can be done!
- Be careful what you choose. You may get it.
- Don’t let adverse facts stand in the way of a good decision.
- You can’t make someone else’s choices. You shouldn’t let someone else make yours.
- Check small things.
- Share credit.
- Remain calm. Be kind.
- Have a vision. Be demanding.
- Don’t take counsel of your fears or naysayers.
- Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.
Rowland’s Law
Helen Rowland
The follies which a man regrets most in his life are those which he didn’t commit when he had the opportunity.
Runyon’s First Law
Damon Runyon
All life is 6 to 5 against.
Liebling’s Law
A. J. Liebling
If you try hard enough you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.
Longworth’s Law
Alice Longworth
You can’t make a soufflé rise twice.
Maugham’s Law
W. Somerset Maugham
You can’t learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency.
Micawber’s First Law
Charles Dickens
Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.
Midas’s Law
John Updike
Possession diminishes perception of value immediately.
Mitchell’s Law
John N. Mitchell
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
Ohm’s Law
Georg Simon Ohm
The electric current in any circuit is directly proportional to the voltage and inversely proportional to the resistance.
Powell’s Rules
Colin L. Powell
- It ain’t as bad as you think. It will look better in the morning.
- Get mad then get over it.
- Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls your ego goes with it.
- It can be done!
- Be careful what you choose. You may get it.
- Don’t let adverse facts stand in the way of a good decision.
- You can’t make someone else’s choices. You shouldn’t let someone else make yours.
- Check small things.
- Share credit.
- Remain calm. Be kind.
- Have a vision. Be demanding.
- Don’t take counsel of your fears or naysayers.
- Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.
Rowland’s Law
Helen Rowland
The follies which a man regrets most in his life are those which he didn’t commit when he had the opportunity.
Runyon’s First Law
Damon Runyon
Disraeli’s Second Law
Benjamin Disraeli
What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expected generally happens.
Dumas’s Law
Alexandre Dumas
Nothing succeeds like success.
Durocher’s Law
Leo Durocher
Nice guys finish last.
Falk’s Distinction
Richard R. Falk
Some people in the world are important. All the rest wish they were.
Gomez’s Law
Vernon 'Lefty' Gomez
If you don’t throw it, they can’t hit it.
Gordon’s Rule of Evolving Bryographic Systems
Anon
While bryographic plants are typically encountered in substrata of earthy or mineral matter in concreted state, discrete substrata elements occasionally display a roughly spherical configuration which, in the presence of suitable gravitational and other effects, lends itself to combine translatory and rotational motion. One notices in such cases an absence of the otherwise typical accretion of bryophyta. We therefore conclude that a rolling stone gathers no moss.
Hippocrates’ Second Law
Hippocrates
Life is short, the art long, opportunity fleeting, experience treacherous, judgment difficult.
Kristol’s Law
Irving Kristol
Being frustrated is disagreeable, but the real disasters of life begin when you get what you want.
La Bruyère’s Law
Jean de la Bruyère
Men fall from great fortune because of the same shortcomings that led to their rise.
Lasch’s Law
Christopher Lasch
Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
(Charles) Darwin’s Law
Charles Darwin
This preservation of favourable individual differences and variations, and the destruction of those that are injurious, I have called Natural Selection or the Survival of the Fittest.
Bentham’s Law
Jeremy Bentham
The greatest happiness of the greatest number is the foundation of morals and legislation.
Bierce’s Law
Ambrose Bierce
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves and good fortune to others.
Brecht’s Law
Bertolt Brecht
Eats first, morals after.
Bucy’s Law
Fred Bucy
Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
Burns’s Law
Robert Burns
The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men gang aft agley.
Carlyle’s First Law
Thomas Carlyle
The great law of culture is: let each become all that he was created capable of being.
Chandler’s Law
Raymond Chandler
You can’t win them all.
Connolly’s Observation
Cyril Connolly
Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
Deighton’s Law
Len Deighton
You can’t make women happy. That’s a kind of fundamental law of the universe. You try and make them happy, and they’ll never forgive you for revealing to them that they can’t be.
All life is 6 to 5 against.
Whatever women do, they must do it twice as well as men to be thought half as good.
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